Transgenderism has received a lot of attention in recent years. It is strongly debated for several reasons. Up close, I’m sure we all have opinions and questions, but if we take a 30,000-foot view we might find more understanding.
Transgenderism and the Passions of the Human Heart
I’m not sure anyone wakes up one day and thinks, “It would be great to question my gender.” But people do wake up and wonder, “Do I fit in? Do I belong? Who am I? What’s the point of me?” These questions are the passions of the human heart. We long for much more than food, water, and clothes to wear. Our hearts long for things like belonging, meaning, purpose, love, joy, and identity.
From the beginning of time, the human race has struggled to fulfill these great longings. Some people find a life full of these wonderful things. Other people pursue them, but never find them. If we do not fulfill our great longings, it seems we have two options. We can numb our hearts so that we don’t feel the pain of a life without belonging, identity, and purpose. Or, we can try every human solution until we find one that solves this great dilemma of our heart.
The focus on self leads to futility, frustration, and emptiness.
We have all watched a toddler throw a fit when they don’t get their way. They believe the world will end if they don’t get the last gummy bear. This same passion, and selfishness, is inside all of us. We want to be satisfied. But we don’t know how to be satisfied.
The desire for belonging, identity, and purpose is not selfish. These things are as important to the heart as food and water is to the body. But the way we pursue our fulfillment leads to a depleted life. But we don’t see it.
If you look around, we can see many ways in which we try in vain to fill our void.
We drink more. We eat more. We gamble more. We work more. We go to the gym more. We shop more. We watch TV more. We achieve more. We climb the corporate ladder more. We build a bigger house. We do anything that brings a happy feeling, promises a good result, or numbs the inner pain of our heart. We become addicts. We become zombies. We become scarecrows.
The way that we try to answer the longings of our hearts leads to far greater wreckage. There is never enough. We can’t get skinny enough, we can’t get wealthy enough, we can’t gain enough success, we can’t get enough plastic surgery, we can’t buy enough. It goes on and on. Our attempts to find belonging, identity, and purpose leave us more and more depleted.
Culture and the Profit of Emptiness
There is a lot of money to be made by serving up the substitutes of real happiness and fulfillment. Culture will never warn you, “This product will never really satisfy.” Culture will make the products that keep us addicted and empty.
The drug dealer or plastic surgeon will not warn anyone of the dangers involved. They will not tell you that their products and procedures will leave you more desperate than before. They will sell their product as the solution to the cry of your heart. The casino is not concerned with your happiness, they are concerned with their profit. Most human solutions are made for the purpose of making money. They have no answer… they just make a profit.
The transgender person is not that different.
I spoke with someone recently who says they are non-binary. We spoke for over an hour. It was a great conversation. We had much in common. We did not talk about sexuality. We talked about meaning and belonging. His real struggle is finding purpose in life. He wants to bring joy to others. But we live in a world where it’s hard to find people who want to connect in real ways.
As I spoke with him, all I could hear was his intense longing to live a fulfilled life. I am not referring to “him” to be disrespectful to his desire to be non-binary. I refer to him as a man because as I spoke to him I could see past his confusion and see the type of person he was made to be. He was made to be a person who brings joy to others. He was made to belong. He was made to have a strong identity.
Most people go through a season of time where they are locked outside of the life they were made for. Some people try every human answer along the way. Some people just numb out. People who attempt a gender change are in desperate search for meaning, acceptance, and identity.
Does transgenderism work?
If a sex change would bring a person belonging, identity, and love I would recommend it. These great longings of the human heart are never going to go away. But a gender change does not fulfill or heal the hurting heart. Neither does money, or achievement, or substances, etc. Like the bottom of a whiskey bottle… it was fun for a moment, but the pain and confusion only becomes greater.
As a society we are quick to be concerned with the behavior people have while ignoring the lack of belonging people have. We are quick to judge people for the problems they have, but we ignore the lack of purpose they have.
We may use different words, but we are all in pursuit of the greatest things in life. We are desperate for the things that bring fulfillment to our hearts. We are all in pursuit of living out the life we were made for. We may not know what that looks like, but we are desperate for it.
I think it’s important for us all to acknowledge three things:
We are all desperate for fulfillment, and we are all guilty of trying to get it in ways that leave us more empty and confused.
Secondly, we live in a culture that will offer products and pathways that appear to be solutions, but they only leave us more desperate than depleted.
Thirdly, we live in a culture that makes it difficult for people to find belonging, meaning, and love.
Surrender as the Pathway to Fulfillment
In our great pursuit of meaning, belonging, and acceptance, there is one pathway that we refuse to go down. This pathway is so counterintuitive. It does not seem powerful. This pathway is called surrender.
I have spoken with dozens of people who have experienced great life transformation. In most of their stories, I hear them say something like, “I realized that life was not about me.” People who focus on self become frustrated, but people who focus on others become free. Free from self-absorption. Free from self-loathing. Free from the over-focus on oneself. These people have found that a life of service to others leads to meaning and fulfillment.
But surrender is the hardest step for a human being to make. It might be easier to choose to rob a bank than admit one’s selfishness. It’s easier to ponder a change in gender than it is to consider a change in thinking. It’s easier to think the whole world is wrong than it is to admit our own wrong.
With surrender life’s not about me. Fulfillment is not in what I can get. Fulfillment comes through what I give. Without surrender, life is about me. I have made the decision that I am god. Similar to that toddler who must have their way. Similar to the adult that tries to control people to get their way. We, as people, want to be the god of our own lives.
Religion certainly enters this conversation. Religion brings frustration and confusion to some people. But the core thought behind religion is that there is a God… and it is not us. Life does not work if we make ourselves the god of ourselves.
Almost every religion also believes this important thing. We are spirit beings inside of the body. Doing something to our body does not solve the problem of the human heart. Our spirit is longing for the right things. But what we do to our body is not the solution.
At the core, the foundation of religion reminds us that life is not about me. It’s about my neighbor.
If you look at someone who is struggling with their gender, you can know they are struggling with something far deeper. They are hungry for things like acceptance, meaning, identity, and love. Instead of quickly judging them for how they are trying to solve their problems, we can help them see the deeper things.
In conclusion, people who are struggling with their sexuality, or gender, are really searching for things so much deeper. So I think transgenderism makes sense. I just don’t think it works. I think it’s one more attempt that we make to find our way. It’s a manmade solution that fails to bring relief.
Surrender is the pathway. Surrender to God and live in service of others.